Poop

Yup. Poop. I hate poop.

Ok, hate may be a little strong. But when your 11 month old has the dreaded diarrhea and poops all over himself, you, the floor, you begin to hate poop.

Makes me not want to poop. But then you end up with other problems. Seems like a catch 22 some days.

Egg'd out

I'm all egg'd out. So glad Easter is done for another 11 months (yes, Easter comes early next year for the sole purpose of torturing parents everywhere).

Why is it we feel so compelled to do all this stuff for the holidays - whatever holiday that might be? For me it's because I don't want my kids to feel left out. I love to see their happy faces when they get something they really want.

On the other hand is that not really doing them any service? Just allowing them to receive regardless of their year long behavior or issues? Am I just helping to purpetuate the materialistic nature of these holidays?

Now I understand the Christian nature of some of the holidays as I myself am Christian. But that doesn't mean I have to give in to the commercialization but I do anyway.

I wonder if I didn't have kids would I do the same? Impossible to say. I wonder how my children will handle these holidays as they age and potentially have families of their own. Am I part of the problem or part of the way my children become "normalized" into society at large?

I am unwilling to test, to change, to upset my children's delicate balance. So onward we go headlong to the next holiday. I just hope it brings smiles.

Yawp

So I was reminded late last night as I parused through some poetry books of a most famous and beautiful quote from Walt Whitman:

"I too am not a bit tamed, I too am untranslatable, I sound my barbaric yawp over the roofs of the world".

Now if that's not something a Life Pilot would say I don't know what is.

Thank God for poets.

Do pilots cook dinner?

DH just AIM'd me "what's for dinner?" What?! dinner?! Big important pilot-y people like me don't cook dinner, do they?

So I'm thinking crecent rolls with pizza sauce and cheese on them. Maybe a carrot or two. Think the kids will go for that?

I keep threatening them with pinecones and grass. One of these days they'll sit down and that's what will be on their plates. That would be a good April fool's joke. Too bad that's like a year away.

So someone asked me if I still had my Wonder Woman undies (yes, I do have WW undies, what of it???) I'm too fat for them. But I'm going to change all that. Yessirreee bob - I've been a good girl today (hense the negative tone in my voice because what I really want to do is eat a pizza).

So. Soup and a small sandwich for me to eat and grass and pinecones for the kids! Sounds like a plan to me!

Autopilot

Today I will be on autopilot. I have meetings back to back to back from 8:30 until 2:30. The only good part about that is I won't be able to cheat on my diet (is that good???)

But this afternoon I shall once again take the reigns (oh, can I mix metaphore like that?)

I succeeded on my diet yesterday and only snacked on some carrots, a pickle, and a few pretzles. No chocolate, no extra sandwich, no chips. Good little girl. Now I must make sure I don't use that as an excuse to cheat.

So one day down and ... um...I can't count that high as to how many might be left. Whatever.

Off I go, I just hope I don't fall asleep in my meetings like the air traffic controllers.

Always the copilot

This is not the first blog I've started. Just the first one I've decided to actually pilot.

Ever feel like everthing you do is being driven by someone else? I'm always the copilot. Knowledgable enough to drive just not driven enough to take charge.

Yeah, I'm that way. A little lazy, a little angry, a little laughable.

Well, I've made some progress ya know. I'm not a total slacker. And it's not every day we can be in charge, I think.

Here are the areas of my life I would like to pilot (no particular order):
1. My weight
2. My career
3. My marriage
4. My children's education
5. My hobbies

I've already made some headway with my career. I started a new job 3 months ago where I am now a manager. Yup! That's right, I have a team of 5 and they report to me - someone actually thought I could do this! I'm busting my rump to prove them right.

Ok, onward...

My weight, oh my aching back, fat ass ways must stop. I have used excuse after excuse. I. am. so. done. Today, yes today, I began my new weight loss phase. I am not taking no for an answer and I am not going to explain away my obsession with self destruction. I am about to turn 38 years old and I feel like I'm 60. The fat has gotta go. 30 lbs to start.

My marriage, well, um, if you must know it's my 2nd. Definitely filled with more love than the last but also filled with more challenges. We both have 2 kids from our previous marriages and 1 little dude together. Yup, count 'em, that's 5 altogether - yikes. But I've also started this by having my husband join me in my quest to lose weight. He needs to drop 30 as well.

Educating the kids. That one's a little tougher. I'll focus on my biological children since I can't do as much about my step-children. My daughter has a tough time in math. But I just got approval from the ex to help pay for a summer tutor. As for my son we need to work on his focus a bit. We'll be doing some focus practice this summer. He's a procrastinator big time. That's gotta stop.

Hobbies. I've decided to take up some photography. I think it might actually be an artistic outlet I could be half ok at. I've started my research and I've learned what shutter speed is, what aperture means, what ISO is and some other tid bits. My reward for losing 30 lbs will me a new $800 camera.

That about covers it. No more copilot.

The copilot is dead.

The pilot is born.